2010: The Year of Health and Healing (At least, I think that this title will do......I guess)

I've got a lot on my mind. A LOT. It's been far too long since I've sorted my thoughts out in writing. A lot has happened in the past year. I'm a married man now. I lost my full time radio gig. I moved up the ladder at my part time retail job; which could, potentially lead to plenty of other job opportunities.

I've also dealt with plenty of family drama. More than I could ever imagine. More than I would ever ask for. (But really, who would ask for that type of bullshit? Okay, you got me!!!) It's more than I would EVER wish on another person.

Welcome to marriage.

Time to man up.

I'm not # 1 anymore.

This is so weird, admitting such things.

I've dealt with emotions that have been so overwhelming, I've found myself sobbing like a baby and screaming like a banshee.

This is normal? This is a MAN who is in control?


Not likely.

But I've realized something. If I didn't care, I probably wouldn't react in such a way. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be thinking about it, let alone writing about it.

I'm almost 32. I have a wife whom I love with every inch of my being. I have a 5 year old (step) son who I would kill for.

And I want more.

Despite ALL of the family bullshit (and there has been plenty - from both sides).

Though I am not old - I am not that young. It's time to be serious about a number of things that have to do with me growing old....at least growing old comfortably.

It's time to pay attention to my health. I'm no fat ass, but I could stand to lose about 40 or 50 pounds.

I have sleep apnea. That means I need a machine to help me sleep so I don't risk serious health risks (including dying in my sleep).

My temper, my patience, my memory - my overall health are ALL affected by my sleep (or lack thereof).

It's time to work on my health - and healing.

Too much thought has been wasted on the family drama. Too much energy has been wasted from the anger that has resulted. Too much pain has plagued me (or rather, I've ALLOWED too much pain to plague me) from letting it all add up. Too much time has been wasted on the tough breaks.... and it's crossed over into the good stuff.


That's NOT acceptable.



Blah, blah, blah.....



Time to man up.

If I'm going to be a good husband, a good father and overall good man, I need to swallow my huge pride and not be so angry. The misdirected anger does not help me feel good about myself. It doesn't help me communicate with my wife, and it doesn't help me with the youngster.

I've made it known to the appropriate people that I will bite if provoked - and that I will fight for my family.

That doesn't mean I have to hold on to the resentment.

I don't need hatred in my heart. I don't need sadness in my eyes. I don't need depression in my head.

I vow to raise this little boy in a happy household (with discipline of course!)

I want any child of mine to be protected, loved and to have a great childhood. I will learn from my mistakes and realize that the world doesn't have to be an overwhelming reality. It just is what it is.

Can I loosen up? Sure.

Can I move on? Sure.

Can I forgive?




Sure.


Will it help me?

I believe it will.